Tag: 1986

Chubby Cherub

Year: 1986
Publisher: Bandai
Genre: Platform

Bandai, responsible for many of the most beloved brands and toy lines of the 1980’s and 1990’s, was also in the video game business at some point. This was a terrible, terrible mistake.

Trademark AND Copyright! They really wanted to protect the valuable Chubby Cherub IP!
Trademark AND Copyright! They really wanted to protect the valuable Chubby Cherub IP!

In this game, you’re a worthless stupid baby-angel who flies around like the world’s slowest mosquito trying to avoid being raped to death by dogs. That’s the most charitable description of this game I could write.

It's much worse than it looks.
It’s much worse than it looks.

John’s Rating: 1.0 out of 5.0, because this game is a steaming turd.

Dark JCO’s Rating: 1.0 out of 5.0. How does a game like this even get made? “I have this great idea for a game! You’re this chubby little angel guy who flies around and eats all these foodstuffs, but there are these dogs who try to stop you.” “BRILLIANT! Send it to presses!” “But we’re still in the concept phase…” “No, no, we only have five minutes. Send it to presses!”

That goddam dog...
That goddam dog…

Lord Nightmare’s Rating: 1.0 out of 5.0. So it’s a game about a fat angel? A fat angel who flies around eating what appear to be random foodstuffs. Is he naked? And he’s being attacked by… the dog from Duck Hunt? Oh, that dog! if I see that dog one more time…

 

1942

Year: 1986
Publisher: Capcom
Genre: Shmup

This screen has almost as many numbers as letters.
This screen has almost as many numbers as letters.

It’s World War II and you’re a U.S. pilot flying a super-plane to Tokyo to destroy the Japanese air force! I have to admit, I initially had some serious misgivings about any game by a Japanese company about destroying the Japanese air force, and had to wonder whether it was the opposite in the original Japanese (and the game was, perhaps, called “Happy Pearl Harbor Fun Time Airstrike!”), but as far as I can tell (and according to Wikipedia) the Japanese just sometimes make games about destroying their own airforce.

Is that a Mitsubishi G4M? Almost certainly not...
Is that a Mitsubishi G4M? Almost certainly not…

John’s Rating: 2.0 out of 5.0 – this game is about as vanilla as a shoot-’em’-up can possibly get. As far as I can tell, there’s exactly one power-up, which basically makes your guns wider, and a grand total of three different enemies (not counting palette swaps).